Evaluating Relationships in 2008

 

Every year I make generic resolutions that I rarely ever keep. Things like: eating better, exercising more and other such resolutions. This year I did something different, I asked God what I should resolve this year. The first thing that came to mind was to re-evaluate my relationships. A few things came to mind and there are many angles to approach this from. So I started to think and I came up with this list of 10 questions:

1. Am I a taker or a giver?

1. Do those I have relationships with feel encouraged or discouraged after I have interacted with them?

1. Are there relationships that I am avoiding due to superficial differences?

1. Are there relationships that I have established due to superficial similarities?

1. Am I encouraged by those I have relationships with?

1. Am I enabling or allowing sin in the lives of those I am in relationship with?

1. Am I in relationships with individuals who enable or allow sin in my life?

1. Am I seeking out comfort or conformity to the character of Christ?

1. Are we better Christians due to this relationship?

1. Finally is God pleased with my relationships and how I am relating to the Glory of God?

  

Relationships were created by God and not only that; it is the fundamental fabric of the Trinity. God relates perfectly in Himself through the Godhead. When God created man, this was stamped within our DNA. God created Eve due to this lack of relationship. He says in Genesis 2 “it is not good for man to be alone”. Though God knows that His creation worshipping Him is our greatest need, He also created Eve which allows us to manifest this Trinitarian attribute of relationship.  Before the fall this was “good” as God has said of all things He created. Sin came along and perverted this “good”. Now things like selfish motives, envy, jealousy, wrath, self-righteousness, and greed has brought in unneeded complications within relationships. So the 10 questions are in light of Sin!

Take all of your relationships and ask these 10 questions. If your answer is in the negative, you need to take it before the Lord. All of my relationships make the list in at least one place and I am going to spend the next week or so praying through it and talking with each of these individuals. The truth is, for your relationships to be God exalting, transparency, honesty and availability will be essential. Relationships take time and trust. If you don’t think you can be fully honest with the individual then there is a serious issue. Either you have sin in your life and you don’t want to be found out (hypocrisy) or you can’t trust the other person in confidence, which is sin in their lives. I think we (really I) spend too much time putting on our masks (being fake) in order to not be figured out. Our closest “friends” ask us how we are and we say fine and the truth of the matter is we are struggling with sin. Others are in relationships in order to think better of themselves, others think they are givers but are really enablers (takers) and are allowing sin to run rampant in the lives of those they say they love. I also am guilty of joking my way out of serious issues in my life instead of being fully transparent.  I hide behind cracking jokes and sarcasm.

My other struggle is being in relationships for superficial reasons such as: race, socioeconomic status, hobbies, and interests. Now I am not saying these are bad reasons to be in relationships and that these thing can’t even be a catalyst for establishing relationships, the problem is when these are the primary reasons and  the only glue that hold these relationships together. I am under the full conviction that if the relationship is not making you and the other person a better Christian (if they are Christian) then the relationship may not be God exalting. Things such as accountability, admonishment, and wise biblical counseling should be the nucleus of Christian relationships. I am also under the conviction that you should not be (and can’t be) in deep relationships with non-believers. Many will disagree with me, but if I were to ask the question “are they spurring you on to love and good deeds” the answer would be no, they can’t. It isn’t even possible for them to do such a thing because of the fact they don’t have the mind of Christ! I am not saying you can’t have some friendships with non-Christians, my only response to that is, I hope the relationship is a means to an end, that end being evangelism.

Finally I think a lot of our authentic relationships that would help conform us to the image of Christ is prohibited by busyness. We are more technologically advanced and less relational as a result of it. We move into nicer houses only to add to our commute, which in turn leaves very little time to build significant relationships and even cultivate the ones we do have. We are more autonomous and less transparent as a result of it. The little time we do have, we want to “relax” which typically means watch the game, or spend time with our immediate family. We chase the golden apple of success only to realize its utter rottenness which in turns is rottenous to our souls! Authentic, deep, transparent and challenging relationships are Christ exalting and are essential to our Christian growth and sanctification.

If you are reading this, God has given you grace in the form of another year. If you have read this far, this small little article has somehow impacted you as it has impacted me. Reevaluate your relationships and see if they are transparent, authentic, encouraging and Christ exalting. If not find out why and be prepared to rock the boat a bit. Paul says “not that I have achieved it yet, but I press toward the mark”. Our sanctification lies in the balance here. Without other eyes evaluating you, you will be guilty of thinking more highly of yourself than you should. Without eyes prepared by the Lord and a heart to challenge the people you are in relationship with will do you more harm than good. This is awkward and goes against our natural inclinations but it is necessary for Christ-likeness. Remember God established relationships in the garden for our good, not for our comfort. He is the head of all things and we have to start caring about what He thinks not what we like. God bless and happy New Year!